How not to kill a scorpion

Tonight was not a fun night by any standard. It started off pretty good; I went for a long late afternoon paddle up the side of the lagoon and was finally able to see my first howler monkey and on the way back to my hostel I was graced by not just one, but a double rainbow making a perfect arch over the lagoon to the nearby Mombacha Volcano.

Then after dinner our hostel manager who is also an avid and active bird conservationist offered to take people from the hostel to see tarantulas. It had just finished pouring rain and on top of that, there was no electricity due to a broken pole up the rode.

So I donned my headlamp, ran back to my room to grab my walking shoes and stopped dead in my tracks at the GIANT TARANTULA sitting right beside my doorknob. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. Excited by my yells, the hostel soon gathered to take pictures. Scared, I presume, the spider ends up dropping to the floor prompting me to scream my Sarah-Overly-Dramatic-Horror-Movie-Scream and making everyone around me jump a foot in the air. A great start to our hike where we saw about a dozen tarantulas and a handful or scorpions, which didn’t really make me feel any better at crawling into my dark, damp room with no window pane and open ceiling holes.

It takes me a while to get to sleep between the thought of tarantulas crawling over my face and the constant sound of music and firecrackers going off at a nearby party. Before I am finally able to drift off I of course have to go to the bathroom. Paranoid as I am by this time I use my headlamp to look for spiders and other creepy crawlies and lo and behold! there is a scorpion sitting right beside the toilet….ughhhhhhhhhhh.

Too late (and proud) to call anyone my tactic for the next hour trying to kill the poor thing goes something like this:

Panic. Run out of the Bathroom going ewwwwwwwww…..ughhhhhhh…….Look for someone to kill it for you. Try to remember movies where people kill scorpions. Go get your shoes. Be overly paranoid about a scorpion in your shoe and spend 10 minutes knocking your shoes against the wall. Put them on. Decide that you can’t actually step on the scorpion because it is too gross. Take them off. Realize that either way, having thick soled shoes on is a good thing. Put them back on. Panic a bit more. Debate if you could put something between yourself and the shoes to make it easier. Decide to use a book. Take ages deciding WHICH book to use. Decide on the one you have finished reading. Scare the scorpion while trying to throw the book on it. Panic while it runs around the bathroom floor and you try to get the nerve to step on it. Curse yourself that you didn’t step on it when it wedges itself in the doorframe. Debate what you could use to get it out. Squirt water at it from afar and wait until it climbs UP the doorframe. Panic a bit more. Decide that your strategy isn’t working and try to find something to just pound the F%$! out if it until it dies. Debate using your metal water bottle but decide it is too close range. Search the hostel for something until you spot a broom, previously used to kill the tarantula.Take broom, pound the F$#! out of the scorpion, toss it outside, step on it finally for good measure, and then go drink a righteously earned beer.

Sarah 1 – Scorpion 0

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